Critical sports blog

Recruiting in college football is heating up. Phony experts like Tom Luginbill are positing about the latest, greatest player while college football coaches are promising the world to young athletes who snort coke on a daily basis. In the never-ending struggle to help you, the reader, understand the intricacies of sports, here's a handy guide to common phrases heard in recruiting:

• There placing him in a prep school - This means the kid didn't attend class and thinks that Algebra is a rap singer. His future prospects are good enough to play but he'll likely need to attend Texas or Virginia Tech.

• He's a man among boys - He plays in a high school league that makes Pop Warner look like the NFL. He will likely suffer shock when he's hit by an athlete of comparable size.

• He transitions well to the college level - Duh-Umb. Would he be recruited if he didn't?

• This kid is smart - Limited athletic ability but the guru likes him and his dad's a booster.

• Can't miss at the next level - 50/50 chance he's kicked off the team or is a career back-up.

• He's wide open and could end up anywhere - This means the kid has yet to receive enough money from a school so he's holding out.

• He's a solid verbal commitment for (insert school) - He'll change his mind each time a recruiter from a different school calls.

• He has a solid family - Father is unknown and mother is the town crack-whore-the town being Brooklyn.

• He had one off the field incident - Shot six people for stepping on his Lugz.

• He'll qualify the next time he takes the SAT - A nerd has to take the recruits test because he can't spell Math or Verbal.

• His Dad's involved in the recruiting process - Poor kid is subjected to his father's lifelong dream. Will end up like Todd Marinovich.

• Has many admirers around town - He sired 12 kids his senior year.