Critical sports blog

As 2006 comes to a close, some of our favorite Major Leaguers have made their 2007 resolutions. We asked them to finish the following sentence: "In 2007, I resolve to ______."

• Coco Crisp: stop making that Rosie Perez face at the plate.

• Barry Bonds: tell the tru...ah, forget it.

• Daisuke Matsuzaka: invent the gyrobau.

• Scott Boras: complete my quest for total world domination.

• Ken Griffey Jr.: not hurt myself...oh, crap.

• Joe Mauer: get my man muscles.

• Randy Johnson: break a hip, wherever I get traded to.

• A.J. Pierzynski: get punched in the face.

• Dontrelle Willis: *hic* What was the question?

• Derek Jeter: win nothing and like it.

• Eric Byrnes: brush my hair.

• Ozzie Guillen: find a gayer name for Jay Mariotti.

• A Rod: come out.

• David Eckstein: stay scrappy.

• Albert Pujols: win the MVP, which will rightfully be mine.

• Johan Santana: take every possible award, then wail on my guitar.